Sunday, July 1, 201811:18 PM
Don't know if it's hormones or I've just been grumpy the whole week but the week ended on a bad note. I was so close to flipping yesterday it's not even funny.
Decided to update my resume today and seriously questioning what I have even achieved in my 2.5 years working full-time. Every day's been running around in circles. Spent my morning googling what professions I can consider transitioning to, how to get there, if further study would help me get anywhere but here etc. But it seems like it's a dead end because it's such a specific line of study. Read a statistic on a forum(posted 2016) that 82% of the profession were considering leaving the profession. If that isn't a sign of something wrong, I don't know what is. And as forums go, the discussion goes back and forth with people saying we're whiners and we don't deserve the pay we get for what we do/we shouldn't be complaining, misunderstanding what we do etc and it just goes to show the disrespect that we have, even from the general public. It's sad really. There isn't even a representative agency for the regular everyday professional, the guild only represents owners' interests to the government and that's why the rest of us are fed the bull crap we sadly accept. I'm definitely reaching breaking point and am totally ready to leave for good because I've had enough. There were articles about signs you should quit and scarily enough I match almost all of them now. But what's even scarier is that probably every job in this profession is more or less the same and will end in similar outcomes.
I made this really stupid mistake yesterday and I can't get over it yet. It's really been bugging me but it's too late to do anything about it. I was tired and distracted but I have no excuse to have made such a stupid mistake as I did. Honestly, I feel like I'm doing a shit job and don't have the confidence to do my job well enough now. I can't drag myself to work and pretend to be ok with it for very much longer. A couple nights ago I couldn't sleep wondering how much longer I could stay in this and deal with this shit that I got myself into. Why/who am I working so hard for, how much longer can I pretend I care? I initially promised myself 3 years, maybe 5 years max. Oh how I have grossly overestimated myself. 1.5 years and I'm ready to get out for good. Except I can't just quit with no backup plan involved.
But for now, some revision is probably due.
