Saturday, October 22, 201612:31 AM
Hello world, I'm back.
Simply put, the past few weeks have been nothing short of a whirlwind of madness. Looking back now it still doesn't feel real. I don't know how I would have made it through without Him. The week of my exam I felt sick in the stomach every morning and the thought of food just disgusted me. The night before the exam I got woken up with a panic attack in the middle of the night. By His grace I survived it so hopefully I pass as well so I don't have to go through all that again.
Got a lot on my mind tonight. So many things have been just thrown at me today, where should I start...
Someone I came to be quite close to at work just told me today that they'll be leaving in 5-6 weeks for a job closer to home. I guess I was expecting something like this to happen in the near future. It was either him leaving first or me leaving. But I honestly didn't expect it to be this soon. I guess goodbyes are always unexpected no matter how prepared you are.
The past few days I've also been getting questions about what my plans are for next year. I was told I would be offered a position to stay on but in another location 100+kms each way which adds up to 2-3hours drive a day - the hours that the person mentioned above was doing. At this point in time, I don't even feel like I'm in the position to negotiate pay, which after deducting petrol and time costs would leave me earning peanut shells from the peanuts that I would already be earning. Considering the time involved, car maintenance, care mileage etc. I don't know if it's worth it. On the other hand, it means I don't have to start job hunting again in an already super competitive market; and if I plan to go back to study in the near future it won't be as awkward to just lift off and go. In a way it's also more forgiving that I don't know everything there is to know.
Have also been starting to thing about study and future career options. 5 years out of high school with a paper in my hand, I'm still in no better position than I was 5 years ago. Average pay per hour in my current profession is about $32 an hour and it is unlikely to increase dramatically even with experience and there is little opportunity for career advancement if any, meaning once you get in, you've basically hit the ceiling in a crashing tower. It's getting increasingly difficult to stay in business and the profit margins are shrinking with each government cut. At the current rate I'm going, it's not going to be enough for me to become self-sustaining/independent. Correction, it will be impossible for me to ever move out and own a place of my own, a car, or even to be able to support myself sufficiently. Being in this profession means I'll have to work weekends, late nights and public holidays for peanuts, plus deal with crazy and difficult people. Me not being a people-person naturally might just mean I would burn out really early. I don't know. Options are open. We'll see.
But for now..I need to pass the exam first.
Monday, October 3, 201611:31 PM
It is getting precariously close to my exam and my brain is refusing any information input.
Terrible terrible time to not be able to focus and remember.
Wasted my entire weekend reading with everything going in and then going straight out again. Had work today and then went to the library after for 3.5hours and pretty much same thing again. Everything goes in and comes out. Studying is such a struggle right now.
Pure frustration in trying to just sit down and focus to get information in ARGHHH. I don't even have that much time left and there's a lot to cover. But for now, I think my brain is entirely gone so..early night. The battle starts again tmr..
